In my childhood, whenever I used to get cranky, irritated or complained about something/ demanded something, my grandma would tell my mum “he’s hungry. Give him something to eat”.
I’d indignantly protest and throw an even bigger tantrum at being told what my problem was versus the thing I was saying was my problem. Jeez tough kid I must have been to raise.
Likewise, whenever people told me to “go to bed on time” or “eat my meals on time”, I’d dismiss this sort of stuff as banal. “I have bigger concerns that these mundane nothings that everyone concerns themselves with, I’d think condescendingly.”
Today, I realise just how much of human behaviour, emotional balance and mental health depends on keeping our biological cycles regulated. I had a super regular schedule throughout late february and March. Staying up all night on MSR (8th march) and two days later for the Velliangiri trek messed up my cycle.
I lost my circadian balance, so to speak, and found myself struggling with practically every aspect of my life. My emotions started spilling all over the place – not pretty!
The last few days, I’ve been patiently trying to work with my damaged routine trying to get it back to where it was – but so far, I’m failing. I’ve been staying up nights and sleeping till afternoons.
Today, I realised that this is unfortunately how I’ve lived most of my adult life. No wonder I had such a torrid time of it! Jeez! For all you intellectuals out there who sneer at the idea of being limited by biology – please do deign to orient your circadian rhythms.
I understand this might be maddeningly obvious to most people who aren’t as thick as I am but there’s got to be someone who is stupid and smart in the same way I was/am – so i thought I’d write this down.
Now I’m curious about this – why do some people struggle so much to maintain well-regulated circadian rhythms? Where does it start? I know the theory about too much electronics etc – but I think that’s not it -I had a good thing going; Lost it; And I seem to struggle with getting back into it – why is that? It’s not like I suddenly started binging on screen time after those two nights.
What are some hacks to get back into a regulated sleep-wake cycle? As I write this, i’m filled with so much regret – a tragic sense of loss almost – I wish I’d fixed this stuff earlier – like way earlier. It’s so sad to find out that the reasons for why your life disappointed you in some of these “big” ways were actually so simple and workaday. Oh well, retrospect is a toxic seductress – won’t go there!
Hopefully, my yoga practice will help me get on top of this issue that’s been such an unnamed nemesis in my life.
I want to continue thinking about this topic just to drill it into my skull that my grandma was right – I’m probably hungry or under-slept or tired – it’s not the socialists that are the problem. it’s not ocean pollution. It’s not people around me friggin’ breathing audibly!
I want to end with a phrase that’s cracked me up to no end recently – it’s from Jonny Miller of Nervous System Mastery – “Stay regulated out there!”
NAGHARAJ ABISHEK 