She might or might not be part of the man-hating cabal, but man this person Kerry Howley can write essays – a 5000 word piece that reads like a frggin’ detective novel!
This can potentially be interpreted as me being apathetic to the plight of the women who got cheated on – but I couldn’t help chuckling throughout the piece – imagining Andrew Huberman sneakily pulling all those classic casanova moves – I mean – it’s Andrew Huberman for chrissakes – The guy exudes “good guy steve” vibes through and through.
The phrase “logistical jiujitsu” cracked me up to no end – that’s when they discuss a day when Huberman one-ups his own legendary planning/scheduling powers by planning multiple interactions with these women over the course of a single day – something like that . Really funny stuff.
I for one really enjoyed the article. It was a nice bit of “celeb-gossipy” fun. Well written and like I said, properly entertaining. I don’t know how much of an outrage it’s causing among the general public – cancel culture being what it is and all – but I sure hope Andrew Huberman’s not going to be Louis Ck’ed on this one.
For those who still don’t know about the piece, find it here.
Oh also, I just recently found out that you can read paywalled articles by copy-pasting the link on https://archive.is/. It’s been a revelation.
P.S: Reading through this Huberman piece has weirdly filled me with an extraordinary amount of joie de vivre. I turned 30 last year and I’ve been experiencing some of that cliche’d anxiety around it – feeling like my time’s running out etc – Reading about this guy who’s 48 just living it up – what with a globally renowned podcast, a tenured professorship at Stanford, millions of presumable dollars in net worth and affairs with multiple attractive women – man really gives me that “world’s your oyster” kinda feeling that I haven’t had in years! 🙂
For years, I’ve harboured envy, resentment, pride and slothfulness. I’m not a christian or anything – don’t know why this is taking that form – but I want to roll with it. I’ve been having a pretty intense time of it recently – For years, I’ve felt like I’ve been stuck. Years. Today, I even thought that maybe I’ve never really felt well-adjusted throughout my entire adult life – that’s a scary thought. I don’t know if it’s true though – how can I know? I’ve not been in other people’s heads. Anyway, about a month ago I decided to take my writing more seriously – you see, I’d spent most of my life wanting to be a doctor – wanting’s the key word here – I just wanted it. Wanted it – said I wanted it anyway and thought I wanted it. I realised that I’m not in control of my life and was getting swept away with events and the changes in mood/perspective that they brought about only to find myself in pretty much the same place again after months or maybe even years. There was this sense of “now or never” – I felt like like if I didn’t do something radical, I’d keep getting sidetracked by the crosswinds of life – so I decided to go on a 3 month period of silence. I’d still play badminton and to make sure it didn’t get unnecessarily weird, I’d speak minimally to my mates there. Likewise on the odd occasion that i’d need to buy something, I’d speak sparingly. (although the idea was to keep this to a bare minimum) And, I’d still speak to my boss. (which is not often anyway)
I was also going off social media (which at this point was just whatsapp and telegram) and youtube. No music either. I also switched off my phone.
I’d been on a “high” wave of sorts – the past few months had felt pretty “flow-y” – There was this sense of positivity in me that was reasonably stable and it felt like this was the right time to do something like this. In the beginning it was all hunky dory – I felt good about myself and got into this “everything’s gonna be so great” kind of a mindset that I tend to get into – a high-energy, high-optimism and high-creativity. (I have been thinking if I’m actually bipolar; Not a fun thought)
I had a lot of time; I had a lot of clarity and energy; Good stuff flowing – great all through! Gradually, the fears and icky emotions started to surface.
“Hey! I’m equipped for this stuff now – I’ve done a bunch of sadhana – plus I know that doing these kinds of things hasten the processing of negative emotions – this is totally par for the course – let’s just keep going towards these emotions and just let them go! That’ll do the trick!” I felt good about my odds against these dastardly old nemeses of mine. I even wrote a post on this selfsame blog about how much of a game changer this “letting go” thing was. Just sitting with emotions and watching them leave. Managed to finish reading the book “letting go” by David R Hawkins btw. Great read. A book straight out of the heart – and a heart full of love and compassion at that. Highly recommend.
Anyway, been letting out a lot of emotions – been crying practically every single day. But today was something else. It was the motherlode – fear, insecurity, guilt, heartbreak, anxiety, shame – all the negative emotions you can think of – rolled up into one ginormous feeling of pressure and “oh fuck the walls are closing in on me”.
At some point, I remembered Richard Rudd’s words from the Gene Keys (another book I highly recommend having at home and reading every now and then when the inspiration strikes; It’s a prophetic piece of writing and the book has an almost oracle like quality to it) saying that one just has to accept and feel one’s fear – that’s all it takes.
But it was pretty non-stop. The onslaught of panic and fear just wouldn’t abate – I was worried about losing my job; I was worried about ending up broke; all sorts of stuff. But somehow I was able to remind myself that what I was actually afraid of was continuing to feel the way i was feeling in that moment.
The suffocating emotional pressure was the problem – not some hypothetical scenario where i’d lose my job and be broke. I realised that a situation where my inner state wasn’t one of stress/fear and I lose my job, wouldn’t be such a bad situation after all – I guess what i’m trying to say is i remembered something crucial through that intense negative state – that the real problem is just the state itself. The fears about a certain situation coming to pass in life is just a projection of that internal state.
To make matters worse, I’d woken up thinking about my ex today. I felt a lot of old memories coming up – of me cheating on her – me being a reckless addict in general who caused a lot of damage with his inability to control his impulses; Guilt emerged. Sadness emerged; Desperation ensued. She was on my mind a lot today and I guess that’s why I googled her name – Found her website, IG etc – saw that she was upto a lot of cool stuff with her life – she’d been writing (incredibly well) and seemed to have started some kind of service where she was helping people release their inner pain and find lightness. My instant response was one of constriction – A lot of fear, anxiety, insecurity and inadequacy came up. Old patterns of such feelings were recognised. I went for a walk and kind of reckoned with myself for a bit – “hey this is not who you are – are you really upset that she’s doing well?” the answer came back that I’m not but I did feel terrified about my own prospects. Felt this feeling a lot of us are familiar with which goes along the lines of “why am I such a fuck up? Why did I waste so much of my life? yada yada” Now you see why I’d mentioned earlier about wanting to do more with writing – now that I saw my ex writing and doing so well with it – I was like “fuck I’m late even to this and I’m not sure i’m even at this level yet – blah blah blah – self-defeating rhetoric. Classic insecurity and fear.
At some point while I was swimming in stress and anxiety, I stumbled on one of her blog posts where I found that her best friend, Julia, a girl that I’d spent quite some time with (she’s about my age) had just died! That piece of news was a real shocker and did quite the number on me! I bawled my eyes out and just couldn’t hold it.
I was like “to heck with the silence – I’m gonna go tell my parents that I love them and hug them – which I did; I didn’t want to go through my period of silence out of some misplaced sense of pride/propriety only to face that feeling of “oh fuck I never got to tell them how i felt!”
I hugged them, cried to them and wrote some stuff to them. For what it’s worth, the verbal silence is still intact. Kept crying non-stop. At some point, after hugging my parents and soaking in their love, I couldn’t help but feel a profound sense of gratitude for life – that I was even alive. Some of the things I was worried about even hours ago felt churlish. To think that I was thinking things like “fuck I’m 30! Is it too late to pursue my dream of becoming a doctor?” – Man that chick I smoked weed with is dead now! fucking dead!
That really knocked some perspective into me. Even being broke isn’t nearly the same ballpark of a problem as being dead. Fuck. That news really knocked the wind out of my sails for a bit. But it also showed me that I was holding back a lot with unnecessary worrying. I felt an inner loosening – a relaxation – a coming back to life.
I got on my motorcycle and went for a ride through my town. I fell in love with everything my eyes saw. I felt reborn.
Let’s see where we go! But for now, I love you all and I love this beautiful world we live in for all its fuck ups and dramas and heartaches – I love being alive!
In my childhood, whenever I used to get cranky, irritated or complained about something/ demanded something, my grandma would tell my mum “he’s hungry. Give him something to eat”.
I’d indignantly protest and throw an even bigger tantrum at being told what my problem was versus the thing I was saying was my problem. Jeez tough kid I must have been to raise.
Likewise, whenever people told me to “go to bed on time” or “eat my meals on time”, I’d dismiss this sort of stuff as banal. “I have bigger concerns that these mundane nothings that everyone concerns themselves with, I’d think condescendingly.”
Today, I realise just how much of human behaviour, emotional balance and mental health depends on keeping our biological cycles regulated. I had a super regular schedule throughout late february and March. Staying up all night on MSR (8th march) and two days later for the Velliangiri trek messed up my cycle.
I lost my circadian balance, so to speak, and found myself struggling with practically every aspect of my life. My emotions started spilling all over the place – not pretty!
The last few days, I’ve been patiently trying to work with my damaged routine trying to get it back to where it was – but so far, I’m failing. I’ve been staying up nights and sleeping till afternoons.
Today, I realised that this is unfortunately how I’ve lived most of my adult life. No wonder I had such a torrid time of it! Jeez! For all you intellectuals out there who sneer at the idea of being limited by biology – please do deign to orient your circadian rhythms.
I understand this might be maddeningly obvious to most people who aren’t as thick as I am but there’s got to be someone who is stupid and smart in the same way I was/am – so i thought I’d write this down.
Now I’m curious about this – why do some people struggle so much to maintain well-regulated circadian rhythms? Where does it start? I know the theory about too much electronics etc – but I think that’s not it -I had a good thing going; Lost it; And I seem to struggle with getting back into it – why is that? It’s not like I suddenly started binging on screen time after those two nights.
What are some hacks to get back into a regulated sleep-wake cycle? As I write this, i’m filled with so much regret – a tragic sense of loss almost – I wish I’d fixed this stuff earlier – like way earlier. It’s so sad to find out that the reasons for why your life disappointed you in some of these “big” ways were actually so simple and workaday. Oh well, retrospect is a toxic seductress – won’t go there!
Hopefully, my yoga practice will help me get on top of this issue that’s been such an unnamed nemesis in my life.
I want to continue thinking about this topic just to drill it into my skull that my grandma was right – I’m probably hungry or under-slept or tired – it’s not the socialists that are the problem. it’s not ocean pollution. It’s not people around me friggin’ breathing audibly!
I want to end with a phrase that’s cracked me up to no end recently – it’s from Jonny Miller of Nervous System Mastery – “Stay regulated out there!”
Ok so you want to write online and use it to become rich – of all the people online (millions probably), why do you think you need to do this? what I’m asking is – why does the world need one more guy writing stuff on the internet? I think I have a unique viewpoint – my experiences, background put me in a unique perspective. Hmm what do I mean by that? I guess the sheer contrasts that my life embodies – I’ve always been identified as smart – and yet I’ve made life choices that are run-of-the-mill, classic idiot-choices. I was born in a lower middle class household in South India and through a series of scarcely believable life events, I made friends all over the world, speak with a clipped accent and now, work for a Norwegian company. I make more money than most people in my country dream of making and yet for most of the last 3-4 years, my experience has largely been that of low grade anxiety, fear about my future, hedonism, fatigue, drug-use, escapism, bouts of mania followed by shame and self-doubt – well you get it. I’m being a little too harsh on myself – there were moments of bliss, joy, satisfaction, adventure, learning etc as well but that only serves to emphasise the point I’m trying to make about the contrasts.
I am particularly prone, as an individual, to delusion, distraction, solipsism, dissociation and fantasy. I have a mind that is extremely suggestible, albeit quick and flexible – I suffer from a lack of context and perspective. Recently, thanks in no small part due to my commitment to yoga and my decision to stop trying to have my way with life (in this kind of forceful, anxiety provoking manner), I have found some space within myself – a space that helps me notice my behaviour patterns, emotional triggers, violent biochemical responses etc without being taken in by them .
This has allowed to me to institute a modicum of sanity in my life – it is precisely that modicum of sanity that is even allowing me to perform this very exercise of self-indulgent pontification – I would have probably been staring at a youtube video otherwise.
Back to the contrasts,
I used to be a devout Hindu growing up. Gave it up because it wasn’t fashionable enough – became a reductionist, hardcore atheist. Tripped on a bunch of drugs that blew my whole model of reality to smithereens and was left having to pick up the stray pieces of my psyche for years – discovering “spirituality” and yoga in the process. For the lack of simple terms to describe it, let’s say my models of reality are a LOT more fluid now than they used to be. I pray but I don’t know to whom. I bow down in reverence and awe on practically a daily basis. I shed tears of gratitude very often and do yoga sadhana practically every day. Again, just saying this to highlight the abundance of perspectives I’ve inhabited and the contrasts that I’ve been able to experience and live out. I am often called “confident” and “courageous” – not entirely untrue assessments either – I can talk to strangers with absolute ease and have no problems but I also know it to be true that I’m a very fearful, self-doubting, anxious, people pleasing, attention seeking person. Another contrast that I’m making more sense of as I go along. I have experienced profoundly rapturous states that, by themselves, justify the enterprise of living on earth. I have experienced desolation that felt permanent and immutable. I am familiar with the ways of Ancient India (not as dry philosophy; as a living tradition with continuity and soul) and have partied with the best of them in Europe. I’ve had foursomes and I’ve slept with beautiful women. I’ve made desperate and ungainly attempts at sexual gratification resulting in embarrassing rejections and soul crushing vortices of self-hate and shame. I’ve imposed myself on girls sexually and doubted my attractiveness a million times.
I’ve inspired people, repulsed people, supported people, destroyed people’s emotional equanimity, taught people, learned from people, betrayed people, cried for people, cried over people, cried with people, laughed and danced and sang on the streets, done drugs with strangers and sang hymns from the Vedas.
I think I can write on the internet and make myself a good living while offering something of value to those struggling with the same ills that I did (and probably still do).
The world is evolving rapidly and we are being confronted with some pretty new problems – kids apparently are losing their shit mentally – and it’s because of too much phone-time and not enough social interaction, apparently.
I want to use my experience to be a voice of comfort, guidance and awakening, if I can. If i’m being presumptuous in this assessment, reality will duly give me a check in the near future.
Everyone’s been subject to this fear – many of us still are. It’s so pervasive that many of us have come to take it for granted – that this is just something you’ll have to base your life on – the fear of other people’s opinions of us.
Don’t get me wrong – it’s not that I don’t understand where it comes from – I do. After all, we need each other for survival. It seems like this is a mechanism to ensure that we don’t stray too far away from what’s good for the collective or the tribe.
Maybe it’s an inbuilt mechanism to avoid ostracism which for most of human history meant death. But that’s historical. What about today?
Survival is organised really well today. Granted not for everyone – there are still hundreds of millions (if not more) of people out there facing unimaginable adversity, on a daily basis, just to ensure basic survival. But, what’s being addressed here is the plight of the vast majority of us who don’t have to worry about finding nourishment – a lot of us are still burdened, miserable and insufferably morose.
This has become such a widespread reality that we have almost come to equate it with normalcy – like “man that’s how life is; get used to it!”
There’s this temptation to put this down to the pitfalls of modern life – but i doubt that self-consciousness and social fears are something that just came about as a result of sedentary lifestyles or a post-industrial world.
There seems to be something more fundamental at play here – the inhibition that comes with the fear of social rejection is not something that exists by itself – it is a manifestation of fear – a much more overarching and encompassing fear.
This is a fear of death – but more interestingly, this is a fear of life itself. Life is uncertain, seamless and perhaps most importantly, finite – at least, in the physical sense. The body, no matter how well it’s taken care of, eventually dies.
We’re all deeply afraid, it would seem, of truly confronting and embracing this fact. Our minds seem to have this magical ability to forget mortality and death and the drop of a hat.
To accept life is to accept death – it’s difficult make no mistake – but from my own experience, there is no life without it. There is no fire to life – no urgency – no passion – unless the finality of death is accounted for.
When this understanding is courted and embraced, we throw caution to the find and a sense of abandon finds us – we throw ourselves headfirst into life wanting to splash about in it’s joys and mysteries with the least concern for anything or anyone.
So, what stops us from burning with life? I don’t have the answers – I’m just trying to piece together a somewhat coherent picture for myself from all the apparently incoherent dramas i’ve been through.
It seems to be a fear of the future – a fear of rejection. A fear of death. A fear of discomfort. But more than anything else, it seems to be a lack of energy. A distinct lack of “flow” – of vitality.
There’s also habit patterns that keep us locked in our heads reinforcing emotions and states of powerlessness, despair, anguish and boredom.
To throw the shackles of automated living off and embrace the frightening, frenzied excitement that comes with embracing life as a naked being stripped of misconceptions and illusory images of security is not comfortable. It’s a lot of things – vivifying, invigorating, energising, rapturous – but it’s not comfortable. It requires the relinquishing of stuporous inertia – a coming out of the comforting but death-inducing trap of habitual tendencies.
And that’s difficult for people because – well we’re going through life sedated; half-asleep. We’re sleepwalking through existence wondering if some day we’ll magically feel more alive and ecstatic – because I think essentially, that’s what we’re all seeking – to be as alive as we can – and just burn with life! burn with fury and have the limited time that we have in this mysterious and ineffable thing called life be indescribably ecstatic and rapturously thrilling!
Like I said earlier, I don’t have the answers – but I do know this – life’s passing us by and we’re choosing to sleep to our graves rather than dance our way there with our dicks hard and chests pumped!
What’s the point man? What’s the damn point of living life if it isn’t even lived properly. Why go searching for the meaning of life – when the life in question is a miserable and painfully arduous one – why bother finding the meaning of such a life? why bother coming up with or associating with philosophies, political theories and ossified intellectual positions.
When we throw caution to the wind and stare death in the face and empty out our bag of fucks till there’s no fucks left – then the rapture of life seizes us by the throat and fills us with an ecstasy that’s indescribable – Those of you that have done MDMA or fallen head over heels in love – it’s something similar – but indescribable nonetheless – it’s orders of magnitude more profound and insanely more satisfying.
I speak about this because I’ve experienced this a number of times. Fuck knows why. Maybe because I’ve spent the vast majority of my life outside the monday to friday, 9-5 grind – I never made it to most of my classes at uni and then found a job where I can spend early hours of my day writing blog posts about nebulous stuff; Maybe it’s because I had a horrible time in my 20s and woke up every day with crippling anxiety and a feeling of dense, all-consuming dread and at one point, I just found it easy to stop taking life so damn seriously – I don’t know; Maybe it’s because I’ve been, for whatever reason, able to throw caution to the wind and laugh at the face of death.
Here’s the thing though – I don’t want to be misconstrued as saying that i’ve figured out some magic trick to answer all of life’s questions – I have not. In spite of experiencing the aforementioned states of ecstasy, endless possibility and full-force vitality, I have yet to transcend my own propensity for fear, slothfulness and social rejection. I have found it possible to break free from these chains every now and then, unlocking periods of immensely liberating freedom and bliss, but i’ve not been able to sustain these states.
It’s a work in progress.
There’s strong neuro-physiological conditioning that needs to be undone. But nevertheless, my whole experience of living on this planet has been immeasurably enriched by these experiences I’ve had of Baccheiatic, Dionysian ecstasy and frenzied abandon.
In those states, I couldn’t care less what people thought of me. I would tell people exactly what I wanted, how I wanted. I would stand, sit , walk and do what i wanted. And funnily enough, that’s when I’d feel this sense of respect and attraction from people that we all seek a lot of the time – not that you crave it in that state – but it’s still an interesting observation.
But here’s the thing – it’s not that those states are altogether transient and have no impact on you long term – they do leave you changed – when you’ve experienced these states a number of times – then, you DO stop giving a shit about some stuff that you used to – you just can’t bring yourself to live up to and care about those social norms that are particularly stupid and utterly meaningless.
I started doing yoga in 2021. That was kind of an inflection point in my life — I had just left a pretty dark and consuming chapter of my life behind and had just moved back home from Europe, where I’d spent the last 10 odd years of my life.
I was 27 and felt like I’d pretty much pissed the better part of my 20s down the drain. I was pretty anxious at a baseline level and wanted to make sure I wouldn’t be 33 or 38 and feel the same pangs of regret.
So, inspired by the atomic habits school of thought, i decided to embrace micro habits and make sure I stick to them every day, without expecting any results in the short term. I started with exercising and stuck with it for a good amount of time before the second wave of Covid hit.
It was around this time — say late April to May 2021, that I got initiated into Kriya Yoga — I had dabbled quite a bit in youtube spirituality by that point and was itching to do something practical — i.e real — to advance my spiritual journey. Watching videos, reading books, ingesting substances and endlessly pontificating just wasn’t cutting it. So, I got initiated and committed to doing the practice every day no matter what. I’d never done anything that consistently before in my life. NEVER.
I figured — I already know this is going to be good for me. It can only make me better. And it’s just 30–35 mins a day. If I can’t invest that much time towards feeling better and improving my experience of life, then, what am I really doing here? There was no way I was going to let my lesser instincts get the better of me against that foolproof, airtight logic.
Or so I thought.
It was bloody brutal! We were meant to do the practice twice a day for the first 48 days after initiation (what’s called a mandala in yoga) and then at least once a day for 6 months. The first few days were terrible! I realised just how messy and out of order I was internally. Keeping myself accountable enough to get done with the practice twice a day on an empty stomach with at least 4 hours between each session, and keeping this on with work and other commitments just exposed the extent of my internal chaos and disorder.
I was insanely stressed and fell sick multiple times in those 48 days. Anyway, I somehow got around to maintaining the streak. I maintained it for more than a year and a half. Sometimes, I would rush through the practice and not really give it my full attention but I nevertheless kept my streak up, for what that was worth.
Slowly but surely, I saw changes. Infinitesimal almost. But i did see them. My anxiety levels came down gradually. There were still bad days. But there were days when I was just able to wake up and get through the day without the dread taking hold of me.
It’s coming up to three years now and I’m still doing the practice. I’ve missed a few sessions here and there but keeping the streak intact for the first year and half meant that I never really fell off the horse after that — even when I gave the practice up for a few days here and there.
That set off a chain of changes in my life. It’s not like I saw my life improving in real-time. There was still a lot of struggle and angst. But, now, looking back, I see that the shift started there — with the commitment to doing the practice every day.
Now, I’m a big believer in the power of the streak. I’ve completed a number of streaks after that. But the one that started it all was the kriya streak. Now, my life looks very different. Not so much in terms of the externals — but in terms of my experience of life. I feel a lot more pleasant on a regular basis. I can handle emotional upheavals with a lot more grace and ease. My brain function is sharper — I feel less foggy and am able to recollect thoughts, conversations, tasks and facts much more easily. My anxiety levels are way lower. I still struggled with habits like compulsive sexuality, smoking etc for a while but they’ve settled down to a huge extent now.
Now, I do many more practices on top of that one on a daily basis. It’s insane how much of a change it makes to just commit to doing one thing for a few minutes a day, every day for a couple of years.
A few years ago, I would not have dreamt of this kind of thing — I would have dismissed a post like this. But today, having seen the results first hand, it’s hard to argue with it. But it still seems baffling though — hard to believe almost. Our brains are so fried with instant dopamine thrills that it’s hard to wrap our heads around the idea of compounding results over a period of time resulting from small, daily actions.
I feel inspired today. I’m writing this without any idea of what I’m going to write about. Just wanted to put pen to paper — or in this case, cursor to dialog box.
I feel flooded with a sense of “yes-we-can” today. Sure, these feelings are transitory and not to be trusted but it still feels good. I see a lot of opportunity around me.
I feel chuffed at the possibility of being able to express myself through writing. What an incredible miracle — using words to express stuff that goes on in thought-form in your brain box? language has never ceased to amaze me in all these years of living on this planet.
I want to write more frequently. I’ve been saying this for more than a decade now — but well, there you go. I do. I want to hone my craft and get really really good at writing. I wish to be able to create moods and share subtle inner feelings through words. I think the way to achieve this is by writing everyday and by reading a lot.
Something that I understood quite recently with life is this — when you feel bad, it’s not necessarily because of something that’s going on then — it could also be just a habit pattern of sympathetic arousal — what does that mean?
say you encounter a tiger in the woods; It’s scary as fuck and your sympathetic nervous system activates. Your body secretes adrenaline and you go into fight or flight mode. Energy is redirected to strictly necessary functions in order to ensure survival. Unpleasant stuff, subjectively speaking. now, because we have these ginormous cortices (cortex — outer layer of the brain) that can remember the past, extrapolate into the future and work in abstractions, we have the unique ability among all animals to simulate this kind of “encountering a tiger” response in us, at will, even in the absence of any large carnivores.
The brain’s immense capacity works against us unless we learn how it works and take the wheel
Memory and Imagination are amazing things but they are also the reason why so many people feel so bad so often. Their brains’ threat detection circuits are always on and people are going through their lives swimming in stress chemicals. In my own experience, there was a long history of poor decision making and extremely high levels of uncertainty. This led to a huge complex of sub-optimal coping mechanisms which each gave rise their own web of negative emotions and coping mechanisms. Before you know it, everything sucks all the time and you don’t think it can ever end. Now, you get into addictions — because something’s gotta give. it hurts too much otherwise. That just fuels the problem — you have even more difficulty making the kind of decisions that you need to make in order to get out of the morass of your life. It doesn’t seem like it can ever end. Well, it can. it takes time. But it can and today, I stand here as proof that it can. It wasn’t easy and it didn’t happen overnight. But that whole web of suckiness can be burned. Here’s the thing I actually wanted to talk about before I started rambling — the thing that I found out quite recently in life is this — when stressful/negative emotions come up in an intense manner, you don’t need to do anything about it. You just need to understand the mechanism of how past experiences and habits are responsible for them and let them be. they eventually go away! This might sound super obvious to a lot of people but to me it wasn’t. It was essentially a get-out-of-jail-free-card when i discovered this. All you have to do is sit and wait, and it goes away? damn. I spent years winding myself up and getting anxious about the fact that i was getting anxious. So many. thousands of hours listening to wise guys on the internet. Reading posts on how to “make it” in life. Jeez. The magic trick is to simply realise how the mind-body system works and then, making good decisions while also understanding that you won’t get positive chemical feedback for a while — until you undo all that negative emotional patterning that has now created a pervasive complex of neuro-endocrine (i.e chemical) patterning in you. To put it more simply — you’ve probably come out of the stupidity that caused you the misery in the first place but now, when you’re getting your shit together and doing the right things, you still feel bad. That’s a. discouraging as fuck and b. confusing as fuck because now you feel disoriented, demotivated and lost. You don’t feel good when you do the difficult thing, so why do it at all? Why not just watch porn, jerk off and smoke weed? That’s why this breakthrough was so big for me. All you have to do is sit and surrender to your negative emotions, without any resistance. They leave you 100% of the time, if you don’t reinforce those patterns again with your mind. Now, that’s easier said than done. Takes some experience, skill, nuance and determination. That’s why I said earlier that it doesn’t happen overnight. But it does happen and boy does it feel good!
Need any words be wasted on highlighting just how anticipated, important, promising yada yada yada this game is. I reckon not.
Wouldn’t want to join the massive ongoing guessing game about what the match-day nature of the SCG pitch is going to be like. However, reports do suggest significant wear and tear from a long season which is being viewed as a turn of events that will favour India more (the huge impact of spin on the SA vs SL match played here is also being taken into account). Conversely, as of last night, the pitch was still sweating under covers which for non-aficionados, essentially means that it’s not likely to be as much of a spin-haven as expected. Either way, I don’t think the impact of the pitch will go THAT long a way in deciding favourites. Fingers crossed for a nice sunny day in Sydney and an un-interrupted semi-final
Michael Clarke’s dismal record against Ashwin and Jadeja is well documented and widely known. If nothing else, this will, in the least, give India a psychological edge over the Aussie skipper. Not to mention, MSD has used Suresh Raina to reasonably potent effect.
In my view, Glenn Maxwell and Steve Smith pose the greatest threat from the Aussie batting to India’s plans. I’m sure backroom plans are ongoing to try and outfox the dangerous duo. Nevertheless, it is quite naive to undermine the potential impact the rest of the Australian batting can have. Finch, Warner and Faulkner can , one their day, take the game away from any opposition single handedly.
I get the jitters, as an Indian fan, upon the very mention of Mitchell Starc’s name. Boy oh boy what consistency and at that pace too! He surely ought to be negotiated with utmost diligence by the Indian batsmen. Last thing any of us want is him wreaking havoc and making it a one-sided game.
I don’t think concerns over Kohli’s form are founded in fact. I would say he’s had a solid tournament. Not too many big scores but that’s more a function of India chasing small totals in 2-3 matches. Not to mention, he did get a confident century against Pakistan, in what was very much a “big game” for the Indians. He didn’t ever look to me like he was struggling or searching for form.
Inevitably, one has to talk about the proposed “sledge-fest” that the game has been duly promised to be. It’s one of those things: Whether you like it or not, it’s gonna happen. I did enjoy the tension that was palpable in the Aus vs Pak game, which was, in no small part, due to the frequent, untamed displays of aggression. Nevertheless, it was refreshing to watch a sledge-free game of cricket between Sa and NZ. It was none the less exciting, nail-biting and unforgettable than the former (possibly more). It does feel slightly odd that world-class professionals are on nattering about word-wars before the big game.
To me, it seems to be a very evenly matched contest. I really hope it’s going to be as riveting and evenly matched as the first semi final, if not more. the rivalry will definitely be a factor that’ll up the ante a bit.
A random selection of my thoughts, observations and expectations on the ongoing ICC Cricket World Cup.
Could the timings be any more frustrating for the vast majority of us who don’t live down under? Bah. #cricketinausornzproblems #suddenlybigonhashtagsfornoapparentreason
McCullum and his side both are spouting menace and intent, left, right and centre. Case in point- their absolute mauling of England.Has there ever been a NZ side this thorough and dangerous? I definitely don’t think so. Could this be New Zealand’s best shot at making the title theirs? YES YES YES. Home advantage-check. Competent captaincy-check. team balance- double check. Add to this generic list of pre-requisites, the searing form the kiwis have been in in the lead up to and in the first games of this tournament and the great touch McCullum is in, and you’ve got a threatening side that is definitely one of the favourites. Their hotly anticipated tie with the aussies is sure to be a match to watch out for. It’s definitely going to be a game of high passions, considering it marks the long awaited return of Clarke and Lehmann’s comments on radio (http://www.espncricinfo.com/icc-cricket-world-cup-2015/content/story/835999.html) are sure to cause a ripple-effect one way or the other. Probably the definitive game in this rather lacklustre group.
India vs South Africa is set to start in a couple of hours, as I write this. As an Indian fan, this is the contest I, and indeed fans all over, have been waiting for. While it’s well understood that this isn’t a “make or break” contest, by any means, for either of the hosts, it’s importance need not be stressed. These are quality teams that will try to one up each other at any cost, to establish their status quo within a more or less sorted (in terms of who’s going ahead) group. (seriously, don’t even get me started on the sheer inefficiency of this tournament format; long live the bloody sponsors). Twitter is awash with the hashtag #IndvsSA. I must say I really enjoy this sort of uber-hype leading up to an important and competitive (i hope) game of cricket. It really confers a degree of legitimacy and real “feels” to the supposedly meaningless and end-less pursuit that watching sports is widely held to be. I would love to talk about whom to watch out for and conditions and all that but I don’t think I can add anything to what’s already been discussed at length on many other forums before. I’m just wildly excited at the prospect of a humdinger and am licking my lips even as I try to stay awake all night (damn you australia!) Personally, I am really keen on seeing how India deal with Amla, de Villiers and the pace battery. Some sort of a premonition tells me it’s going to be a special innings from Rohit (Wouldn’t read too much into that kind of nonsense though). MS Dhoni’s return to prime batting form is something Indian fans the world over are waiting for with severely bated breath. Would it be greedy/wishful to want to see something like the CLT20 2013 mauling of Steyn? Sigh.
As I write this, Afghanistan have posted a total of 232 against Sri Lanka. I hate myself for repeating what has become a cliche by now in cricketing circles, but is anything being done by the ICC to promote/encourage the talent/interest in these regions?. Surely, their potential/performances merit investment- both monetary and otherwise. Ireland too, in the same breath.
For those of you who don’t know yet, ICC has launched a pretty cool fantasy league at fantasy.icc-cricket.com. Super fun and pretty cool prizes too (although, if you haven’t started by now, it’s gotta be mostly for the fun).
Much has been said about the importance, psychological and “political” (well, apparently) of today’s game. Pontifications galore, today’s match was one that was hyped up beyond proportion and assumed a sort of “centrepiece” status in this world cup. Here are my 6 penny’s worth:
Reassuringly, India have clicked. It would be generous hyperbole to claim they have arrived in ominous fashion, all guns blazing. However, they have overcome the massive shadow of doubt that has been perpetually lingering over them for the last few weeks and announced themselves as able contenders and as the rightful defending champions, if not as tournament favourites.
Keeping in mind Rohit Sharma’s twin centuries (tri series and warm up), India’s top order finally looks the well oiled machine that manages to be more than the sum of it’s parts.
How good was that Dhoni six over mid on? Nevertheless, the skipper will be conscious, no doubt, of his rather indifferent batting form recently and will have loved the knocking-in he got today. Not quite the MS of lore, but he’s getting there (hopefully)
The Indian batting line up is the stuff of mythicised common knowledge. So, no gaping jaws on it coming good finally (more, like relieved sighs). However, the much and often derided bowling attack really put up a strong and disciplined, if not menacingly incisive performance. Shami looked every bit like a man who really dug into his all for the big game, on the biggest stage of them all. MS got away with his two spinner ploy today. Knowing how comfortable he is fielding that combination and considering the pace-friendly conditions down under, a few eye brows are bound to be raised, issuing words of caution. Stuart Binny is probably going to be given a look in for games in New Zealand, one would presume, but otherwise, I feel MSD is making his intentions clear by choosing to operate with an attack he is incredibly adept at manoeuvring and milking.
Pakistan looked out of ideas and out of sorts, almost throughout the game. Their bowlers maintained commendable lengths and lines through the opening half of the indian innings but hardly looked to trouble the Indian top order, which as has been pointed out from far and wide, was not nearly at it’s best recently.
Mohammad Irfan’s inclusion, though his obvious lack of fitness, reeks of the typically pakistani brand of “strategising”, or lack of quality, therein. The giant huffed and puffed his way through his 10 and did not look like he belonged one bit. Pakistan’s apparent “trump card” fizzled away to be nothing more than a foiled parlour trick.
Pakistan’s sloppiness in the field cost them dear. Absolutely awful. India needs to be cautious enough to up their game against foes who surely won’t give them as much leeway, with either their fielding or their execution.
Kohli is back and and it’s all there- intent, aggression, control and timing. This could well be his tournament.
NAGHARAJ ABISHEK 